I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution this year, I chose a word to concentrate on. My word was confidence. I am an expert at self-doubt although I am frequently told that I do know what I’m doing.
Today has tested my confidence in many ways. I was involved in an interview process. My opinions mattered, my professional judgement was needed. My decisions would make a difference to someone’s career, someone’s wage packet, someone’s future.
Having observed, asked questions and discussed the candidates a decision was made. We were agreed on who should be offered the position. The candidates needed to be told. It was decided that I could make the phone calls. My confidence was quickly disappearing but after a deep breathe I agreed that I could make those calls. The first positive call was easy – I can do good news. The following calls were always going to be tricky. I know how it feels to get that ,”We are sorry….” call. However much the person says that it was very close and after today I can believe that they were telling the truth, it hurts. You have prepared, you have done your best and someone is telling you that it wasn’t good enough – even if they have good reasons.
I took my deep breathe, I made those phone calls, I tried to be nice and say something positive although it had to be a positive with a “but…” Has doing this boosted my self-confidence? No, I don’t think so, it doesn’t feel boosted, but I did do it. Someone had the confidence in me to ask me to do it. I think you can fool some of the people some of the time – given time perhaps I’ll be able to fool myself too!